I feel the need to respond to this post and the replies. Bryan, I applaud you for evaluating your behavior in your marriage and taking steps to try to rekindle the love that was once there. Many would not even stop to consider the part they have played in breaking the bond, much less change it. I am ever so curious to know exactly what made you come to these realizations?

I have to aqree though with the brilliant Shlomo. You must stop to consider what SHE wants. I noticed that you responded to his post stating that his second interpretation is right on the money. You have evidenced that by saying you have attempted to make changes in the past but have not followed through. However, did you ask her? You came to the conclusion on your own and sometimes that is not the best form of action. Remember what Shlomo said: You must stop to consider what SHE wants.

I have been hurt many times, even most recently. After my fiance cheated on a sexual and emotional level and treated me horribly in the process, he is back. He has been trying to prove his devotion with flowers, cooking dinner, cleaning the home....all the things that are appreciated but insignificant to me. In my heart, flowers and rack of lamb does not heal the pain I experienced. What I am seeking is heart to heart honest communication as to what happened and what he was thinking to break what I thought was an incredible relationship despite its rocky instances. I am seeking answers and reassurance that the pain he caused me will not be repeated. I seek answers to the degree that I am even willing to hear anything that causes me more pain. I feel this is the only way to grow. I am wondering if your wife was pleased and shocked at the attempts you are making, but after thinking about it, wants to shake you and say "Do you think gestures of this nature can replace all those years of tears?" She is possibly wondering if you truly understand her pain on a deep level.

I agree with Scot's post that masculinity and lack of subservience is what makes any woman feel safe and attracted to a man. However, there is a fine line. I know my desire would be a little of both along with a large dose of honest communication, no holds barred, straight from the heart. That means talking and that means listening.....be it for hours, days, weeks. Remember the amount of time it took you to come to these realizations was equal to the amount of time she suffered. You cannot heal her and she cannot heal herself overnight. I can guarantee you that many people have it in them to forgive. It is how much you are willing to put into it, your insight, your effort, your time, that is going to be the indicator of the outcome. My advice, friend, is to try very hard to see outside yourself. View the big picture. Put yourself in her shoes. Reject your own feelings of rejection since, at least for now, you have a more important task at hand. I wish you and your wife the greatest happiness. I hope that through all of this, you can come to a place where both of you can sit together, close your eyes, smile and mutually say "Wow, look what we built together".