Trust issues...

storm8106 · #1 (**permalink**) February 3rd, 2009, 07:21 AM

Hi, i have been with my partner for a year and a half now, and he asked me to marry him in december, we are now engaged and getting married the end of this year, but i seem to have such low self esteem and trust issues with my fiance. I have been through a really bad relationship the previous time, and now i cant seem to trust my present boyfriend, i accuse him of everything, when i know he will never hurt me, i check his phone, i want to know where he is all the time, i am so afraid of being hurt again, i just cant seem to trust him, he is really a genuine and good guy, he wanted to break things off twice now cause of all my problems with my insecurities and trust issues, how can i overcome them and rebuild my low self esteem, cause this is ruining us, when we can be so good together...please help urgently....B

topsynergy · #2 (**permalink**) February 6th, 2009, 02:44 AM

Welcome aboard, B.

Let me first praise your high level of self-awareness and the responsibility that you take upon yourself and your life. Common psychological and other support practices view your capacity to acknowledge and take charge of your issues as a major milestone towards fulfillment and happiness in your life and relationships - including love and friendships, partnerships and work-related, parenting, etc.

[Well... you are ALMOST there. All you need to do to achieve complete self-awareness is to take charge of the outcome of your former relationship as well. Would you respect another person who doesn't respect himself?

]

Now... what you need to do next is to take out the sense of urgency and panic for losing your boyfriend, even before you step into the long corridor that leads to salvation: accepting yourself as a whole being, accepting your challenging characteristics as invaluable stepping stones to growth and fulfillment, committing to yourself as a worth-committing-to individual, and loving B for the kind, beautiful, and rich person that you are.

One way to buy the time needed to invest in YOU is to communicate your plan to your boyfriend, show him your commitment to the process, and ask him if he'd like to be your couch in devising your growth strategy and monitoring your progress.

How does it sound so far?

storm8106 · #3 (**permalink**) February 6th, 2009, 04:24 AM

Thanks for your guidance, but i am still not so sure where i go from here, how do i control my mind not to think all these bad thoughts all of the time about my fiance? i have this constant fear of him cheating on me?
i feel so tired and physically drained of us having arguements about the same issues all of the time, i know that i need to rebuild my self esteem and love myself before i can take the next step, i need to have confidence and faith in our relationship, but how do i start and how do i start trusting him?

topsynergy · #4 (**permalink**) February 6th, 2009, 04:45 AM

1. You are going to focus on building (or re-building) yourself and yourself alone.

2. You are going to communicate this plan to your boyfriend (and watch the sigh of relief on his face).

3. You are going to ask your boyfriend to be your helping hand and friend (vs. boyfriend), and help you to device means and tools that will help you to take this journey. Reading, practicing, consulting, meditating, etc. That will strengthen your trust in [...] as a true friend, and will deepen his commitment to the long process and his appreciation to your valued goals and determination.

Please keep asking if I am not clear enough but try first to absorb the essence of my suggestions to you and visualize them and their outcome.

storm8106 · #5 (**permalink**) February 6th, 2009, 06:36 AM

Thank you , i understand. will do my best.

alex1 · #6 (**permalink**) February 24th, 2009, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Parson

hi my Girlfriend don't trust me. because she think that i'm not working in office but going out for date. how can i convince her

Does she have any reason not to trust you? Have you ever lied to her and she found out or deceived her in any way?
If not, just let her have your office phone and call you while you're at work...whenever she wants to. If that doesn't work tell her this is destroying your relationship and to try and trust you or this will not work...

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